POW!
The One-Hit Blunder
One hard cartoon punch. One dramatic sound effect. Absolutely no follow-through.
- Oversized foam-glove energy
- Complimentary awkward handshake
$19.99 pretend dollars
★ AS SEEN ON ABSOLUTELY NO TV ★
SOME PEOPLE
JUST NEED
A REALITY
SMACK.
Can’t say it to their face? Neither can we.
But we can sell you a completely imaginary solution.
Professional attire. Questionable business model. Zero actual violence.
ALL THE ATTITUDE
NONE
OF THE
ASSAULT.
NONE
OF THE
ASSAULT.
STARTING AT
$19.99**in imaginary money
OUR SALES TEAM HAS BEEN ASKED TO LEAVE 47 MALLS.$19.99**in imaginary money
✦ SATISFACTION IMAGINED✦ SUITS PRESSED. BRAINS OPTIONAL.✦ BUT WAIT… THERE’S LESS!✦ ZERO PEOPLE HARMED
BIG FEELINGS. SMALL FAKE PRICES.
PICK YOUR
POW PACKAGE.
Premium cartoon nonsense for life’s minor inconveniences.
All combos happen exclusively in your imagination.
BAM! + KAPOW!
The Double Trouble
Two cartoon punches and a kick. Because apparently one sound effect wasn’t enough.
- Two POWs + one rubber-shoe BOING
- Free slow-motion replay (in your head)
$29.99 pretend dollars
WHAMMO!
The Whole Shebang
An absurd cartoon combo, a flying necktie, and a salesman who bows for way too long.
- Deluxe imaginary dust cloud
- One deeply unnecessary victory lap
$49.99 pretend dollars
This is a comedy menu, not a service. No payments, recipient details, bookings, or actual deliveries.
THE SMACK
PACK
♪ SIDE A: BAD DECISIONS ♪
PACK
♪ SIDE A: BAD DECISIONS ♪
NEW! A TERRIBLE IDEA… IN PERFECT HARMONY.
SAY IT WITH A
SMACK-O-GRAM.
First, a song. Then, a cartoon smack. Finally, an uncomfortable amount of eye contact. Our imaginary crooners arrive in a freshly pressed suit and leave you with a chorus you can’t unhear.
“Ding-dong, your patience is gone!
We brought a foam hand and a very bad song.
POW goes the punchline, the joke is on us—
Thanks for not hiring Slap A Bunch!”
♪ Performed by your device’s most enthusiastic available voice.
We brought a foam hand and a very bad song.
POW goes the punchline, the joke is on us—
Thanks for not hiring Slap A Bunch!”
♪ Performed by your device’s most enthusiastic available voice.
No doorbells will actually be rung. Your neighbors are welcome.
REAL ENTHUSIASM. ENTIRELY MADE-UP PEOPLE.
DON’T TAKE OUR WORD.
TAKE THEIR FAKE ONES.
5/5 MADE-UP STARS
“My HOA sent another letter. I imagined ordering Combo #2. Honestly? Very therapeutic.”GARY, 46Still has the wrong mailbox color
“The Smack-o-Gram was so moving, my imaginary husband left me. Five stars.”LINDA, 58Verified fictional customer
“I paid zero dollars, received zero services, and somehow still feel like I got a deal.”DOUG, 32Financially unchanged
Cartoon dramatizations. Testimonials written by the same people who invented the business.
BUT WAIT! THERE’S… A COUPON?
HAVING A MONDAY?
TAKE 100% OFF.
Teachers, seniors, night-shifters, people named Kevin.
Actually, everyone. It’s fake. We can afford it.
Your code: ITSALLFAKE · Your total: $0.00. Forever.
THE FINE PRINT, BUT READABLE.
FREQUENTLY
YELLED QUESTIONS.
Wait. Is any of this real?
Nope. This is 100% satire. There is no business, no staff for hire, no payment, and nobody getting hit. Just a very committed joke.
Who gets the cartoon treatment?
Men, women, kids, old folks, animals—even that printer that says “paper jam” when there’s no paper. Everyone belongs in our ridiculous cartoon universe. Nobody gets hurt; kids and animals get honorary foam-finger duties.
How professional are your professionals?
Clip-on ties. Sensible shoes. Briefcases full of foam props. Every imaginary associate has completed a rigorous 11-minute orientation.
Can I actually order or send someone a Smack-o-Gram?
No. The order buttons deliver a punchline right here. We don’t collect recipient information, take money, or send anyone anywhere.